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Trust & Boundaries

A friendship is crossing relationship boundaries

Anonymous discussion. Educational guidance only; not medical, psychiatric, legal or emergency advice.

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Anonymous question

My partner says a close friendship is harmless, but I feel the emotional closeness is too much. They share things with that person that they do not share with me. What should I say?

IIR

IIR response

The issue may not be friendship itself. It may be whether the emotional priority of the relationship is being protected. A friendship becomes concerning when secrecy, comparison, flirtation, emotional replacement or dismissal of the partner’s discomfort appears.

Speak about the impact rather than attacking the friend. ‘I am not asking you to have no friends. I am asking that our relationship does not become the place where I get the least honesty and closeness.’

A caring partner may not agree with every fear, but they should take the impact seriously.

Practical next steps

Discuss what information stays within the relationship, what boundaries apply to private chats, and how both partners will protect emotional closeness.

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Common scenarios

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

They apologise, but nothing changes

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

A friendship is crossing relationship boundaries

My partner says a close friendship is harmless, but I feel the emotional closeness is too much. They share things with that person that they do not share with me. What should I say?

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

They lie about small things

My partner lies about small details, then says it was not a big deal. I worry that if small things are hidden, bigger things may also be hidden. Am I overthinking?

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

I checked their phone and now feel guilty

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

I cannot stop feeling jealous

I feel jealous when my partner talks to certain people. I know it may be my insecurity, but the feeling becomes strong.

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

My partner wants all my passwords

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

Past betrayal keeps affecting us

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

They promise change but repeat the same thing

The other person apologises and promises change, but the same behaviour repeats. I am losing faith in the words.

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

I hide things to avoid conflict

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

Social media boundaries are unclear

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

I need reassurance often

I frequently need reassurance that the relationship is okay. The other person says it is exhausting.

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Trust & Boundaries Common scenario

I feel controlled in the name of trust

The other person asks where I am, who I am with and why I took time to reply. They say it is because they care.

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